I'm home now but thought I'd drop by and say hi. I'm pretty exhausted or cream crackered, which Pete says his aunt from London says. That amused me the whole trip home. Yes, I am easily amused.
My house seems fine, though the outlook didn't stop Pete from running around checking under beds, the sink, anywhere really for plastic bombs etc... but he didn't stop there, he checked doors and windows for any signs of forced entry. Forty five minutes of him yelling, " Scar, was that crack under the bathroom door lock always there? Scar, is that a lemonade bottle under your bed?", it took for him to be finally happy with everything in the house. So it seems that nutbar really was all talk.
Anyway, my vacation was great-for the most part.Frank decided that a few days wasn't enough and phoned what ever it was that was making him come back early and cancelled to stay a little longer. It was cool. Him being the quiet type on vacation, i decided to leave the evil drunken crew for a day and go with Frank to visit the Dali museum. It was great. Nice, quiet and peaceful, plus the obvious stunning Dali pieces that I got to see. They were great. I wandered around alone because Frank decided to take the tour, but I didn't care much about that. I don't want to know really what other people think about art. Art is about yourself to me, it's a totally self-indulgent thing and if I want to think, feel or see something in a particular painting then that's up to me. I don't want people to put other ideas in my head or make me see it any differently. Maybe that is very selfish and ignorant, but it's how i feel about art sadly. Back to what I was saying, revenons a nos moutons, in French I think, damn, that was another distraction, the museum-it was cool. Afterward, Frank and I got malts and then went to the local Publix where I got the fright of my absolute life.
For you see, life for me, can never be just straight forward can it and as I pick up a big bag of cheetos puffs to take back to the apartment for Ry, I smell that oh so familiar smell of...you guessed it, ferret. Yes,that's right, behind me, in the supermarket, in Florida, miles and miles away from my home, was my mother. I stood there, Frank stood there and she stood there, in the middle of the aisle, all 3 of us, just looking at each other as if caught up in a dream. I thought maybe I was still in the museum, you know how Dali has all those paintings which have like double pictures in them?, I figured maybe i was looking at one of those. Maybe my mother was some trick of the light on a bread arrangement. Alas, I was worng. she was there. No doubt about it, so I ask her what she's doing there and she says, typical mother response, Nothing, Scarlett, why can't you just leave me alone, and then she throws the bread in her basket and just marches off, mad as hell. I was so angry that she would be like that with me, after all, it was her that neglected me. It always was her fault. I wanted to chase after her, shake out whatever fragments of her mind that are left but Frank grabbed me. He told me, I should just leave it and I should just let go like Ryan, I don't need her. Then I got so confused, all these emotions and all these thoughts of me as a kid came back and I just started to cry, big major sobs, right there in the middle of the supermarket.I felt like everything was finally ok. I felt so relieved whilst I was crying, and I was just so glad Frank had been there, because everyone looked at me like I was in the middle of a big soap drama, and one girl sneered at me. I wanted to laugh, yell in her face that I didn't care, because I was free, but I couldn't because I couldn't catch my breath and was lucky to have Frank hold me up.
That sounds so insanely cheesy and wrong, and just so babyish but I had to get it all out. Stupid crappy, Jerry Springer/Ricki Lake/any other crappy talk show I don't watch thing. Actually I'm surprised that I never went on one of those with my mom. We could have filled more than a one hour special with our problems! It's taken me 23 years to finally accept that my mom is never gonna love me and there it all got fixed in a freakin supermarket! Always when you least expect it huh?
When Frank finally bundled me back to the apartment, Ryan and I had a talk, you know, more cheesy heart to hear, god, don't you just hate this schmush stuff. Then we went for a nice stiff drink and had a major uber fun time!
When I woke up the next morning, surrounded by my bestest amigos, on a lovely Jack daniels and tea(Ryan had a craving for tea before he passed out burning Frank in the process) stained carpeted apartment floor, I realised just how lucky I really am. I have my bestest friends in the whole world, who really couldn't be better. They provide me with loads of laughs and support at times and that's what ya need. also, they always have done something stupid that I can write about on joeuser! I feel good for the first time in a while, genuinely good and I really hope that sticks. Really hope.
ps-Sorry about this post being so schmushy and cheesy, that's one thing I dislike at the moment!