I am a waitress and you know what the best thing you can do as a waitress is when somebody is being a smartass to you? After handing them their food, wipe your nose on your arm, then walk away, a bandy legged walk as you pull your panties out of your ass crack. Shocks people everytime. And they don't complain because I've been nothing but polite to them whilst serving them. Insults, yelling, slamming down food, drinks, condiments on the table, that stuff doesn't work. Only subtle, disgusting, vomit inducing miniture things will.
I tell you this because some guy came in with his girlfriend today and both of them were idiots. The guy emptied all the miniture packets of sweetner all over the table. I asked him to stop doing it and his girlfriend snapped her gum at me and said, Why should he? We are paying customers. I smiled, graciously and said that whilst they may be paying customers, there are other paying customers who would quite like to use that sweetner for its intended purpose later, and due to him doing this, we shall have none for them to use. I didn't mention all the hard work and effort the poor decent people of wherever must have put in to collect, create and package the sweetner for them to do this. I didn't mention the fact that me or one of the girls out front today would have to work our little minimum wage earning behinds off cleaning up his mess and I didn't mention the fact that it was just goddamned bad manners to do so. She laughed at what I did say however, and continued to rip open packet after packet.
I fetched them their drinks in the same amount of time as I normally would, setting them down graciously on the tables, even remembering to put a straw in both of them. Again, comments. Finally, she breathed when i set down the glasses, then it came. "I ordered orange juice not a coke".
Like hell he did. Obviously the guy didn't remember his whole, "got any coke? " Whilst the girlfriend whispered, " no not in here!" loudly. Such a lameoid routine which had them in stitches. It was clear that they just wanted to irritate me, so i said, no problem, I'll get you an OJ, looking like I had a huge half and edam cheese in my mouth, and i went to fetch it, walking a few steps he says; nah it's ok, I'll have the coke.
When I brought the meals out was when I got dirty. The guy said something, I can't even remember what, but it shouldn't have been said so I did my little routine I told you about earlier. Needless to say, my tip reflected my mini rebellion. A lovely mcdonalds coupon. Thanks. Got a cheeseburger on the way home, but I wouldn't say that was worth it.
I've had incidents ten times worse than that at work, kids usually. Always, spill stuff on you or sneeze or vom on you. Horrible. Parents never seem to care either which annoys me even more. Our place is open till 4am so you get a lot of drunks.Drunks can be pretty bad to deal with but some can be quite fun. I've heard a few drunken war stories from twenty year olds. They tell me about when they were in world war two. Believe me, this has happened more than once. Very strange. Drink regresses us. That's my theory. We're back to being kids, toddlers, babies, can't look after ourselves properly, balance and co-ordination is all off. Maybe that's where the war stories come from I don't know. Personally, I prefer dealing with drunks than kids. You can kick their asses and not have to worry about being arrested.